Wednesday, January 04, 2012

My Pet review

WTF we are doing here, wait, we sobered up!

   The worst movie since 100 Days With Mr. Arrogant. That should be the end of my review.
Don't watch it. Ever. Never. Watch Twilight instead, at least it has some nice shots of Vancouver forests.
There is no plot, no acting, no good music, no characters. Only Jang and his fake cuteness dipped in high cut curl conditioner.
Good points? Oh yes, there is one, for antropologists - to observe how a flock of fangirls faints over ticket alone and sqeals while main character is on screen doing something (don't ask me what).

   The thing is, I have a ritual. I do have some plotless, stupid, pure entertainment movies at hand to watch them when I need a no-brainer. Pitch Black is one of them. 

The most intriguing artefact in the movie. Where they have such glossy, waterproof, in perfect condition, Gucci boxes? It also acts better than 95% of the characters.

   This movie insults regular viewers IQ level. Watching this is like sitting 2 painful hours on a cold rock in the middle of dense fog, on the crossroads, wondering where is the closest road sign to see. Thank you very much, Tom Bombadil's absurd conversations had more sense than this. I have to be frank, I wasn't able to watch it properly. For the reasons mentioned above. It has a little bit more of plot than a usual porn movie, but... there is almost a pole dance and chair dance. I do see a bright future in this for a certain main star. 

   This movie insults regular musical actors. Viewers may think all of them hardworking people are just like those shit-for-brains that apparently don't practice, but somehow appear on stage and sing and dance.
This insults also musicals lovers out there for portraying this world like that.

   This movie is not as feel-good as it pretends to be. It's not as social-exploring as it pretends to be. It's a bland mixture of random scenes without any pivotal line. Maybe script was done by 7-years old playing in the sandbox, talking about dogs and stuff. Or maybe scriptwriter(s) wrote some scenes on paper sheets, throw them in the air and waited how many would fall on the table. They made movie with those.
and I wrote such a deep, meaningful version. Wish they had used my script.

   It insults jdrama as well. Moral issues about treating people like animals aside, the drama was good (for me at least), one of them few jdramas I watched. Jun was convincing, settings were normal. This movie is a variation on this topic, but treated worse than runt of the litter.

   It insults all card-boxes left alone to die and rot on the streets. They are not blue and shiny and they don't match main character's clothes, so they are useless, I guess.

The best 2.5 minutes (??) of this movie.
   There is no acting in it. Ahn Kil Kang doesn't save it. Girls are annoying, Kim Haneul is painful to watch, her boyfriend is a prick (wooden to add to that, maybe script fault), and I'm not even gonna start on main star of this movie, made especially for Prince of Ahjumma Asia, because of him and as a token of his benevolence towards the commoners of this blue planet (and whole Universe, Yoda pleased is).

   Music maybe? What music?

   OK, call me a hater, I don't care. This won't change the fact this movie is horrible. It's a tragic offspring of Greasing Fangirls married to Tentative Topic. And a sibling to fanservice.

So some Yucheon got an award for acting not Hallyu Super-duper Star? Who's Yucheon anyway?

My advice - watch if you have something not right with your stomach, the last pharmacy is 50 km away and probably closed, and you want to puke so bad...
In other cases - don't even come close to it.