Oh boy, now this is personal.
I somehow knew this day would finally come and I would have no other choice but to face the things I have been avoiding for years now. I know, I hear the arguments - I could just simply not watch it. I considered it, but after some time I realized it might be exactly what I need and no, not a closure but a bridge that would help me along the way.
It's funny how I put so much pressure on a tv show, right? Some may say it's just a tv show, nothing more and nothing less. This is true, but I hope it will allow me to not only deal with things I cannot deal with but also make the road to watch other series I had to put on hold that traumatized me and I couldn't continue even though I wanted.
This Kdrama season tackles problems that become relevant more and more in modern society. OK, maybe not ghosts lingering after the person's death and coming into flesh after throwing a temper tantrum. But grief - this time. This series shows how people deal (or not) with grief, how they try to mend their lives and continue.
This series deals with the loss of a loved person, and it's told from different perspective. Yuri dies few days before her due date, hit by a car driver swerving suddenly to avoid hitting a guy who stormed into the crossing during the red light. In a perverse twist of fate the guy is spared but the car hits Yuri, and doctors manage to save the child. I kind of want to know what has happened to him and whether he knew he caused the incident in which a pregnant woman died.
The loss is told not only from the most obvious perspective of her husband, Ganghwa, but many people around her - Yuri's family, her best friend, and, to the extend, also through the eyes of Seowoo - her daughter, and Minjeong - Ganghwa's second wife.
From the story we know of the amazing time Ganghwa and Yuri had together, we know she was loved by everyone around her. The scenes from the past overlap with the present and create a stark contrast, probably best embodied by Ganghwa who changed from an open and optimistic guy to a withdrawn guy. This change is best visible at the Epilogue of the episode 4 when we see him standing behind a window in the hospital with nurse showing him his daughter. He's wearing a mourning band on his suit and looks like a person who lost an entire world and any remaining will to live. We know already from the previous episodes he tried to take his own life, pleading with Yuri's parents to take care of the newborn. But this look on his face at the end of episode 4 still haunts me and I know it will haunt me, because it displayed a pure void created after a world crumbles.
Please, give Yi Kyuhyeong ALL the awards. He's amazing.
Then we have Yuri's family who completely cut Ganghwa off after he remarried - to the point of not acknowledging Seowoo on the street and not meeting her at all. But this is a double-edged sword - it hurts the little girl, but also hurts her Grandparents and Aunt. They resort to watching the pictures Minjeong posts on her social account. Especially adverse to any contact is Yuri's mother unable to process the loss and festering in her own resentment towards him.
She visits Buddhist temple to pray and meet with other parents who suffered the loss of a child. Sometimes she even resents Yuri for leaving earlier than her and despite trying to somehow live, she still seems to be living as a shell.
The same temple is the familiar ground for Midongdaek, and in ep. 4 there was one scene when she talked with one of the parishioners about Yuri's mother. Her words made me stop the episode. Because yes, we have a word for a husband who lost a wife, for a wife who lost a husband, for a child who lost parents, but we don't have a word for a parent who lost a child.
Let me tell you, episode 4 took a toll on me.
The similar shell coating displays Minjeong. At one point I can't blame her - she married a guy who suffered a loss of his most loved person and it was obvious at some point he never stopped loving Yuri, despite trying to move on, most likely because of Seowoo. We know she's thinking of divorcing him, we know she's not liked among other mothers in the kindergarten. She's trying to be a good guardian but somehow I feel she makes no effort to be a mother. The telling scene was again in the episode 4 when, after a visit to a child psychologist, Seowoo wanted to give her a gummy bear, Minjeong told her she doesn't like them. Hyeonjeong, Yuri's friend, reacted completely different - she accepted and pretended to eat it deliciously.
I'm not a mother, so I can't say much but I'm an Aunt and my nephew likes to feed me sometimes. And let me tell you, nomming on 3 pieces of bell pepper in 5 seconds isn't as easy as it may seem. But I let him because that makes him happy. Kids aren't selfish - they share whatever they have. Seowoo is no different - she offers to play with the ghost of a kid and is oblivious that everyone shuns her. And I hope the series will address the problem of Seowoo's seeing ghosts.
We also have the whole community of ghosts and their - let's say - manager. Ghosts who stay here among the living because they are kept by lingering feelings. Sometimes they wait for the next family member to join them. The nonsensical example would be the yangban family from Joseon times. There's also a baseball player who committed suicide when rumors about him being gay started to swirl around. It's an indirect slap in the face to the society.
Let the funny moments such as some of those presented here don't fool you - this series packs a nuclear punch. It does have light and lovely parts, I love how Hyeonjeong and Geunsang's marriage and life is portrayed (like he calls her "nuna":)) showing they love each other and love their friends as well.I love funny ghosts' moments, chasing poor Yuri etc. But that doesn't change the fact the series deals with death and grief. I read recently few books on death and grief and I have to admit, our society is not prepared to face it.
And just like Yuri said, if we want to say I love you to someone we should, if we want to thank someone - we should, because we might not have a chance to do it later.
The actors are marvelous here, but again, this is hardly a surprise. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is doing a splendid job. I love the colors here (tvN trademark by now), cinematography, music and the epilogues.
I will continue to watch it, even though it's not the easiest watch. I know this will break me. And I don't mean the fact it can't possibly end happily. Yuri is dead, she was given 49 days but even if she manages to integrate into the lives of her family, she will destroy few other lives (like Minjeong) and she's too good of a person to do that.
I'm so curious yeah.
