Saturday, June 24, 2017

2017 Z-Class Movies (Part 1)

It is safe to say that the first half of this year was pretty intense, when it comes to fighting giant snakes or battling a group of Tasmanian devils. And since I'm trying to keep every Friday as a Z-Class movie Friday, I decided to divide in two the list I planned to make in December like last year. Therefore, in 2017 there will be two lists, one now, at the end of June (because I will have troubles watching in August, so less movies), and another at the end of the year, rounding up all these awesome movies I have the pleasure to watch and live-tweet.
And since action in these movies starts around 15 seconds in, we're jumping into the list right away!

From the latest to the earliest.

Triassic Attack (2010): I was left with so many questions, like - why skeletons would be so vicious? Do skeletons feel the need to kill? Why bazooka didn't kill them and electricity did? Did I leave my stove on?
Anyway, this movie asks us all important (other) questions like: are we so detached from our cultural heritage only the construction of a new university can bring us closer to our roots? Wait... I just realized I found this movie deeply insulting...

Tasmanian Devils (2013). To honor my Antipodes friends, I decided to watch this. Let me say it like this: a good dumb blondie American girl is a dead dumb blondie American girl...

Super Hybrid (2010). The cute guy died. I haz a sad. Not recommended.

Python (2000). A classic, an absolute classic. We have everything: an experiment gone bad, sexy scientist (and mad ones too), military, and noisy snakes. And Casper van Dien with a southern accent. Better than raspberry sorbet.

Mansquito (2005). I'm buying Raid. A whole box. And a torchlight.

Pterodactyl (2005). Don't be fooled, they are not real pterodactyls...

Metal Tornado (2011). The power of such tornado attracts anything able to be magnetized (usually metal) like cars, guns, fences, rubber wheels, heads of some of the people I know...

Locusts (2005). To fight a locust with a super-hiper locust that matures 3 times as fast. You all have to agree that's the BEST plan, right?

100 Degrees Below Zero (2013). My probably favorite sub-genre: catastrophic movie. Of course well researched. But this movie is in fact a parable for our social relationships.

Season of the Witch (2013). Oh wait, that was a big studio movie? Well, the action was worse than in the worst sequel of Python, so...

Mega Snake (2007). Mega snakes have mega appetites. Sadly, human flesh tastes the sweetest. Or so I heard from a certain dr. Lecter...

Wraiths of Roanoke (2007). The story of the settlement that vanished without a trace is a fascinating subject. Maybe not that much here. However the movie teaches us the important lesson about the frontier world - never, ever rudely go where no one has gone before...

Jurassic Attack (2013). Triassic skeletons were... well, skeletons. These guys' eggs "lived" up well from the Jurassic period and hatched, leaving the trail of blood and small intestines behind... Thankfully, we have Corin Nemec.

Ice Spiders (2007). There's something fascinating about screeching, fast as a bullet spiders that thrive on ice, don;t you think? No, OK... This movie is not for you then.

Bone Eater (2007). A cave where unnamed evil does not sleep but wants to see the world devoid of any bones... Bonus: bone horse galloping on the dusty road. You'll never forget that.

Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent (2008). Corn fields, Indian American burial ground, curse that runs wild... Great watch if you hate pretty much everyone.

Raptor ranch (2013). Because cloning raptors is such a great idea. Said no person ever. Except for Jurassic Park ones... and few others. OK, everyone said it. Except for those who actually use their brains.

Avalanche Sharks (2013). Sharks attack the mountain resort, so they have to be punished. By people who apparently can walk in shorts on snow. Sharks that "swim" in snow have nothing on them.

Atomic Shark (2016). A terrific parable of the misuse of high science and the Mother Nature taking a revenge for what people have destroyed.

Afghan Knights (2007). There was some monster, I am sure of that.

The Hive (2008). We all know ants are a highly organized and intelligent group of animals. Add the lust for blood and hunger to that and we get a nice movie.

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016). Do I even need to add something more? They even got the President out of the retirement. US has saved the world again. What would us, poor, Australopithecus-level rest of the world do if it weren't for the US?

Dracano (2013). Turkey rebels, an army, an earthquake, volcano and Corin Nemec. Yes, you guessed right - hell of the symbolic meanings thrown into this - seemingly fun movie. I'm still pondering over things from it.

Against The Dark (2013). Vampires never stood a chance against Steven God Made Him On Holiday Seagull...

In September - Sky Sharks, and I can't wait!

Pictures: from